From: Jane Doe

Sent: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 8:53 AM

To: Becky

Subject: hey chic

So my sister and mom and fighting again…I am seriously getting sick of it!!!  my mom sent my sister a text last night that was suppose to go to me so now she knows my mom is upset with her…so this morning my sister posted “feels so lost and alone.  My mind and heart can’t handle the pain anymore” on facebook…(retarted)  so this is what I sent her:

“Hey chic, why do yu post stuff like that on facebook?  I am trying so hard to help both you and mom work through whatever crap this is thats going on but it's getting really hard to do.  ONLY YOU can make your life different.  If you want to change then you have to take the initiative and do it!  Noone can do it for you and it's not going to fall in your lap.  You have to start making changes in your life sis or this is just going to get worse and I think you know that.  Go out get a job and dont stop looking til you find one, start saving money and get out of mom's house.  That is the only way you are going to start being happy again.  I hate to sound like a B*tch right now but you know it's true.  Noone can change anything but you!!!  I love u!  and i hope you know that i will support you in any way i can.  Your kids are the greatest and they deserve a mom who is happy not one who sits and sulks all the time about how hard life is.  I know life can be hard and cruel sometimes but only you can make that change and better.  I hope this doesn't piss you off and if it does then i guess it's making a difference in how you see things.”

What do you think? Was I too hard on her??  I just needed to vent so thanks for listening!!!!

---------------------------------Becky’s response:

Dear Jane Doe:

How can you enjoy the goodness of God’s great blessings if someone is enabling you to stay in the muck and mire of your sad situation? You’re a good sister. The fact that you don’t give up on her and you obviously won’t write her off, so to speak, says volumes about how much you must love her. But then someone who is a neutral party may say, “Don’t give advice, they just want someone to listen to their problems. Be their friend unconditionally. How would you feel if you were in their shoes?”

Blah, blah, blah. Eff that. A real friend, a loving sibling, a good parent knows the standards and values that make a relationship strong, a life worth living, and a person respectable in our society. When we abandon the values that make a strong family strong, for the reckless abandon of careless living, it not only destroys our life but negatively influences those closest to us. Our siblings are the life-long friend God made just for us. They are the ones who challenges us to be better tomorrow than we were today. We can’t allow our siblings to get comfortable in the ditch they’ve dug themselves in.

Yes, it is hard to hear from your sibling that you’ve fallen short and that you have to work hard to dig your way out of that ditch but it is also hard for those that love you to see you in that ditch. Our siblings need to hear that if they keep to our family values and swallow their pride (be willing to admit they have done this to themselves), the day will come when we’re all sitting back enjoying the goodness of life again.

You weren’t hard at all. You are a good sister to tell her what is expected of her. You also empathized with her so you aren’t a heartless person either. The values of a family are not just unconditional love. A family values activities together, that takes money so she needs a job. A family values pictures of each generation both with smiles and frowns but that takes involvement so she needs to come out of the basement. A family values new additions both born and married into the family but that takes healthy relationships so she needs to get rid of the druggy crowd and get back in the family way.

Hopefully your mom will stop enabling your sister and instead tough-love her like you.